I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You need a sexual gate keeper
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
