i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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