i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
