haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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