remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
the condom got lost in my hair
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
