I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
