my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
