We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
