So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
