let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
