Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
ttyl tear gas
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
