I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
