Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
