the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
How does it feel to date your dad?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
