The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
