So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
