it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
