im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Soap is not a condiment
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
