if only i could text you this smell
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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