Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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