Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
