He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
