oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
someone owes me an orgasm
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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