I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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