Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
