i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
