i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
