Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
