Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
