So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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