A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
