Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
