the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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