She just used a chaser for red wine.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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