mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
