Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
