Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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