I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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