Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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