she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I just googled if crying burns calories
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
