WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
