She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
