Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
