How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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