Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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