you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
