she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
