Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
