i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
