If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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