Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Drake has all the answers
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
