I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
