In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
