he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
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