when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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